trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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