you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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