Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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