The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Be still, my beating vagina.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize