When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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