You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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