I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I would fuck him just for his dog
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
