Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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