On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
