like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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