What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
