i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The feeling are messing with the penis
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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