Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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