it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
