Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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