I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
