It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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