You're a womanizer and a bitch.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
