Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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