I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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