I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
