All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This is classic penis vs brain.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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