Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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