I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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