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So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
