man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
