Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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