so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
