wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i out mim tonsoeep
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
