well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
