You just made me feel so damn special
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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