He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Randomize
