Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
