The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
A bitchslap is in order.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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