And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
