No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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