Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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