i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
