when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
