so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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