Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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