I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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