After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
