He asked to "fluff my boner.."
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
