i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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