Cold hands, warm shart.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm sobbing to NWA
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
