Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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