I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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