I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I am naked and annoyed.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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