Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
