I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
