If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
smell my finger.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
