How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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