If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
