Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
birth control should be required to get into college
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
