cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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