this just has baby written all over it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
