You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
