Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
