I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize