Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
