whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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