btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
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