Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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