I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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