and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
