I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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