well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
