I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
