I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize