Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
