Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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