How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I understand Curling. That high.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
