A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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