I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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