Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Randomize
