"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize