Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
